The Importance of Co-Regulation for Children Under 5
The Importance of Co-Regulation for Children Under 5 and How Peace Pauses support the Process
Understanding the emotional and behavioural development of children between birth and age five is critical for caregivers and educators. During this formative period, children rely heavily on the adults around them for support in managing their emotions, behaviours and stress responses. This process, known as co-regulation, is a cornerstone of healthy development and lays the foundation for future self-regulation skills.
Why Young Children are unable to Self-Regulate
Self-regulation refers to the ability to manage one's own emotions, behaviour and attention in a socially appropriate and goal-directed way. While adults and older children are often expected to manage their own emotional responses, very young children are not yet neurologically equipped to do this independently. This limitation is largely due to the immaturity of their brain development.
According to Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson in their influential work The Whole-Brain Child (2011), the brain can be conceptualised using a metaphor of the "upstairs" and "downstairs" brain. The “downstairs brain” includes the brainstem and limbic system, which are responsible for basic functions such as breathing, heart rate, and innate responses like fight, flight or freeze. This part of the brain is fully functional at birth and is where young children operate from most of the time.
In contrast, the “upstairs brain” - including the prefrontal cortex - is responsible for higher-order functions such as reasoning, empathy, impulse control and planning. This part of the brain is underdeveloped in early childhood and continues maturing well into a person’s twenties. As a result, children under five are not developmentally capable of managing strong emotions or stressful situations on their own. They need consistent external regulation - co-regulation - from calm, responsive adults to help guide them through emotional storms.
The Role of Co-Regulation in Development
Co-regulation is the process by which an adult helps a child manage their emotional state by offering calm presence, understanding and support. This adult-child interaction enables children to experience regulation in their bodies, which over time helps them internalise these strategies for themselves. Through repeated, responsive co-regulation experiences, neural pathways in the brain strengthen, supporting the gradual development of self-regulation skills.
Research in developmental psychology and neuroscience underscores the importance of co-regulation in early childhood. According to the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2004), nurturing and responsive interactions with adults are crucial for healthy brain development, particularly in building the architecture of the brain responsible for executive functioning and emotional regulation. Without this foundational support, children are more likely to develop behavioural issues and struggle with attention, learning and social relationships.
How Peace Pauses Support Co-Regulation
Stress is an inevitable part of life, affecting everyone, from the youngest child to the most seasoned educator. When stress infiltrates the classroom, its effects can be profound. Disruptions, whether caused by overstimulated children or reactive responses from educators, creates a cycle of stress that impedes learning.
To break this cycle and cultivate a classroom with fewer disruptions, it is essential to address stress proactively.
The Karma Class advocates for weaving regular Peace Pause into daily routines. Grounded in movement, breath, and mindfulness, Peace Pauses provides a simple yet powerful way to create calmer, more focused and harmonious learning spaces through co-regulation.
Peace Pauses help to turn off the Stress Response and turn on the Relaxation Response and shift everyone’s nervous system from Sympathetic Dominance (fight/flight/freeze) to Para-Sympathetic Dominance (rest and digest).
In just a few minutes, a Peace Pause encourages everyone to pause, move, up or down regulate, re-oxygenate their brain and body, shift energy, and release tension. They allow everyone to feel safe in their body and help children to bring their attention and awareness into the present moment and find the balance between calm and alert.
When children are offered regular Peace Pause opportunities to feel safe in their body through co-regulation, their brains are more able to be curious, attentive and focused, which, in turn promotes listening and learning.
Co-Regulation in Early Learning Settings
Early learning environments provide a rich context for co-regulation opportunities. Educators play a vital role as co-regulators, not just instructors. By recognising signs of dysregulation - such as crying, tantrums, withdrawal or hyperactivity - educators can intervene with warmth and empathy rather than punishment or isolation.
8 key ways to support co-regulation in your learning spaces:
- Peace Pauses as a Daily Offering: Offer regular mindful movement, breath and mindfulness activities where children can co-regulate with the adults around them. This allows them to feel safe in their bodies; only then are their brains able to listen and learn.
- Be Fully Present: Being physically and emotionally present is crucial. This means observing children closely, recognising signs of distress and responding promptly and appropriately. A soft tone of voice, gentle touch and reassuring eye contact communicate safety and trust.
- Modelling Emotional Expression and Regulation: Adults serve as role models for emotional behaviour. Being honest and open about your own emotions - I’m feeling really frustrated right now, I’m going to take a slow, deep breath. - helps children learn that feelings are normal and manageable.
- Creating Predictable Routines: Young children thrive on predictability. Consistent routines reduce stress and support regulation by providing a sense of security and structure.
- Using Sensory Tools and Spaces: Calm-down corners, weighted blankets, sensory bottles and quiet music can help children soothe their nervous systems. These tools offer sensory input that supports regulation when guided by an adult.
- Offering Real Choices and Autonomy: Allowing children to make age-appropriate choices can empower them and reduce power struggles. Allowing them to choose between two activities gives them a sense of control and builds self-confidence.
- Teaching Emotion Language: Introducing and consistently using emotional vocabulary helps children label and understand their feelings and builds an emotional vocabualry. Books, songs and visuals like feelings cards/charts can make this learning engaging and accessible.
- Responsive, not Reactive: When children act out, it's often a signal of unmet needs or overwhelming emotions. Responding with empathy - You’re having a hard time; I’m here to help you. - instead of punitive reactions teaches children that they are safe even when their emotions are big.
Conclusion
Co-regulation is not just a compassionate approach, it’s also a developmentally essential one. Young children cannot be expected to manage their emotions and behaviours independently because their ‘upstairs brain’ is still under construction. With repeated experiences of being calmed and supported by emotionally present adults through Peace Pauses and other techniques, children learn how to navigate their inner world with kindness and compassion.
In early learning settings, the presence of caring educators who understand the importance of co-regulation can profoundly shape the entire learning space and nurture a child's emotional resilience, social competence and lifelong well-being. As Siegel and Payne Bryson remind us, “Connection calms the brain,” and it is through connection that self-regulation is ultimately born.
Learn more about Peace Pauses and PD.
Author: Beth Borowsky is a former Montessori pre-school teacher and lecturer, and one of Sydney’s most inspiring kids and adult yoga teachers, teacher trainers and retreat leaders. As the Founder and Head of Wellbeing Education at The Karma Class, she teaches educators how to weave daily Peace Pauses into every day through their Karma Classroom PD.